Who wears a wallet chain?!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
