I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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