Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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