Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
