i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
