Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
