im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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