maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
