I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
