hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
