My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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