God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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