My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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