Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
