Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
is it fun? or sober?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
