I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
