Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
