So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Houston, we have a blender
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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