My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
