I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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