Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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