Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
