Your tits are I can't wait for
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
