Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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