don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
