Can Purell be used as lube?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
