i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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