saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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