He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
