You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
