do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
