I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
