This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
