Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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