cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
