i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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