i love accidental penises.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
