woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
