time to smoke my breakfast
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
