I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
