I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
