Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
