FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
