It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
