I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize