Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
