I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
