so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
