do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
