everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
