dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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