if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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