Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize