Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
