I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
