I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
