This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
