I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
