So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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