Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
