i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
