Will you blow on my dice?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I party with great urgency now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize