Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
