God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize