trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We got so high we made milksteak
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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