I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
